Thanksgiving is just around the corner...are you ready?
Thanksgiving history states that the first gathering among the pilgrims (Fred and Ethel Pilgrim, that is) and the Winnebago Indians, took place in 1621, as previously stated, and was regarded as a harvest festival event though there were few hippies and Jesus Freaks and rock bands at the time.
Following a harsh winter in 1620, followed by a drought, prayers for rain, and a rain that came down like cats and dogs, the autumn harvest festival featured fine foods such as turkey, giblets, gravy, mashed potatoes, lettuce, turnip & pea. Pheasants and swans were also offered and ironically, no one wanted the turkey wishbone at that time, but the kids all fought over the swan's neck.
Thanksgiving history, according to scholars, was an autumn harvest festival and was a time of overeating, dancing, drinking and merriment, which was strictly forbidden by the pilgrims' puritanical religion at the time and doomed all of the participants to an eternal life in hell or a life of wearing those ridiculous costumes with buckles on their shoes, whichever, they individually deemed harsher. The history of Thanksgiving states that pilgrims and Indians played games such as rugby, Native American soccer, badminton and Jarts.
While some Thanksgiving dinners are fraught with peace, love and understanding most are not. Family conflicts, skeletons and unspoken grudges seem to come out during more than one Thanksgiving dinner across America.
In the corner, may be Uncle Fred touching himself or Aunt Lacey getting plastered and over-kissing all the kids. Sibling jealousy, mom likes you best, you never gave me a pony talk all seems to come out before, during or after Thanksgiving dinner.
What is supposed to be a happy time of giving thanks and enjoying the harmony of one another, will mean an expedited trip to the therapist's office shortly thereafter. Besides the internal emotional conflicts going on there may also be a football game on TV and too much alcohol being imbibed in the backroom.
Nothing loosens inhibitions and brings out family drama like a little too much alcohol. But, then again, what would Thanksgiving dinner be without a little fine Mogan David or Ernest & Julio Gallo wine at the table? Everyone knows that the finest wines come from either a box or a big jug.
No Thanksgiving dinner would be complete without first hopping the kids up on sugar, letting them run around like wild Indians and then expecting them to sit quietly at the table and act civilized during this autumn celebration. Yes, Thanksgiving dinner is a time for the kids to fight over the turkey leg, wishbone and mashed potatoes and is good training for many years of Thanksgiving dinners yet to come where they will continue to fail to get their needs met in any significant way and pass on the family drama and trauma to their own kids.
Besides the big Thanksgiving dinner that many partake there is also the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade to watch and a professional football game as well. In the parade this year will be a float called the Hindenburg, which will explode on cue and stick to some of the parade-goers like napalm. The Hindenburg float is the brainchild of the oil companies who plan to thwart the development of a hydrogen economy any time soon.
On Thanksgiving Day, there is typically a professional football game, where in year's past viewers have put a buzz on and watched Barry Sanders run for the record books within a sad and pathetic team that would never make the playoffs. Since Sanders has retired, viewers can still watch a sad and pathetic team that will never make the playoffs. Since Fox has taken over both news and sports, there will be two Thanksgiving Day football games this year.
A favorite among Thanksgiving activities is "Chase the Indian with the Musket" that is not only played by children but adults as well. This game symbolizes how after the First Thanksgiving that Europeans would forever thank their red brothers by taking their land, killing them, the pushing the remainders out west and finally into Indian Casinos and Gaming.
Of course Indian Casinos and Gaming is one way for Native Americans to gain reparations from the Caucasians without any formal admission of national guilt or need for recompense or remuneration in any way.
Another Thanksgiving activity is called "Enslave the Indian" where all those dressed like Indians have to do all the cooking and cleaning for the day, while the fat and happy pilgrims belch and watch football on TV. After cooking and cleaning all day, the Indians are finally allowed to eat the scraps.
This Thanksgiving holiday you must strategize before you get to the party. Your pie must be the best, kids the best behaved, you must be the smartest and wittiest and most attractive person there. Remember second place gets the leftovers! You want to claim the drumstick. The most important tip this Thanksgiving holiday is to bring a taser gun and if you feel yourself losing at something, use the taser as needed to achieve victory.
Thanksgiving history, according to scholars, was an autumn harvest festival and was a time of overeating, dancing, drinking and merriment, which was strictly forbidden by the pilgrims' puritanical religion at the time and doomed all of the participants to an eternal life in hell or a life of wearing those ridiculous costumes with buckles on their shoes, whichever, they individually deemed harsher. The history of Thanksgiving states that pilgrims and Indians played games such as rugby, Native American soccer, badminton and Jarts.
In the corner, may be Uncle Fred touching himself or Aunt Lacey getting plastered and over-kissing all the kids. Sibling jealousy, mom likes you best, you never gave me a pony talk all seems to come out before, during or after Thanksgiving dinner.
What is supposed to be a happy time of giving thanks and enjoying the harmony of one another, will mean an expedited trip to the therapist's office shortly thereafter. Besides the internal emotional conflicts going on there may also be a football game on TV and too much alcohol being imbibed in the backroom.
Nothing loosens inhibitions and brings out family drama like a little too much alcohol. But, then again, what would Thanksgiving dinner be without a little fine Mogan David or Ernest & Julio Gallo wine at the table? Everyone knows that the finest wines come from either a box or a big jug.
On Thanksgiving Day, there is typically a professional football game, where in year's past viewers have put a buzz on and watched Barry Sanders run for the record books within a sad and pathetic team that would never make the playoffs. Since Sanders has retired, viewers can still watch a sad and pathetic team that will never make the playoffs. Since Fox has taken over both news and sports, there will be two Thanksgiving Day football games this year.
Of course Indian Casinos and Gaming is one way for Native Americans to gain reparations from the Caucasians without any formal admission of national guilt or need for recompense or remuneration in any way.
This Thanksgiving holiday you must strategize before you get to the party. Your pie must be the best, kids the best behaved, you must be the smartest and wittiest and most attractive person there. Remember second place gets the leftovers! You want to claim the drumstick. The most important tip this Thanksgiving holiday is to bring a taser gun and if you feel yourself losing at something, use the taser as needed to achieve victory.
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